so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
