3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize