he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize