Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
