we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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