Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
