I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
this hospital has no fireball
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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