i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We had sex on a dog bed..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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