Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize