so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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