So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
