I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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