Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
