how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She bit a glass in half.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
