Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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