just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
