do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
