ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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