Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
