I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
