If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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