Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
