Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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