Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize