She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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