woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
