I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize