dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
