My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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