Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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