imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
