Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
