let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
