Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
