I think I am morally bankrupt
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
