do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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