So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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