Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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