I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
