I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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