There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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