I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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