Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize