I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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