highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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