I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
