sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
