she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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