so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
