And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
