: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
