i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
