I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just cropdusted the office
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
