Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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