Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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