I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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