Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
