I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize