i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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