I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
