my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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